What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how we perceive and value ourselves and plays a vital role in our overall sense of well-being. Throughout our lives, various factors can contribute to struggling with low self-esteem. These factors may include ongoing challenges in relationships or at work, negative childhood experiences, loss, or enduring illnesses.

In my coaching practice, I have observed that a learned sense of unworthiness often lies at the core of people’s struggles and striving, significantly impacting their well-being. A sense of unworthiness can manifest in many different ways. For example, individuals may experience perfectionism, people-pleasing, relentlessly pursuing ‘success,’ or struggling to ask for help. Perhaps some of these experiences sound familiar.

Additionally, it is not uncommon to avoid new or challenging situations, struggle with establishing healthy boundaries in relationships, or become overly critical of oneself and others. Consequently, these challenges often underlie feelings of anxiety, depression, and being stuck. However, we may not always be consciously aware of what drives our thoughts, behaviours, and action (or inaction).

It is evident that seeking validation from others or external sources will never foster an authentic sense of self-esteem. Instead, it requires an internal shift in how we perceive ourselves.

 

“Your beliefs become your thoughts

Your thoughts become your words

Your words become your actions

Your actions become your habits

Your habits become your values

Your values become your destiny.”

~ Gandhi ~

 

5 Ways to Develop Positive Self-Esteem

1. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Developing an understanding of our psychology and coming to terms with past experiences of shame, humiliation, and rejection requires time and patience. Nurturing self-esteem entails accepting and being compassionate toward our experiences. It’s really helpful to recognise that cultivating self-kindness is far more effective than constantly listening to the voice of our inner critic. By treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would extend to a dear friend, you build inner resilience.

 

2. Embrace Meditation Practice

Extensive research has demonstrated that a regular meditation practice helps build self-compassion, self-awareness, and resilience. Furthermore, through meditation, we can learn to recognize that our thoughts are merely transient mental events and not necessarily accurate reflections of ourselves. To start the day with a sense of inner calm and clarity, consider spending ten minutes in stillness in the morning or engaging in guided meditation.

 

3. Identify and Reframe Negative Thoughts and Beliefs

With gentle curiosity, practice, and perseverance, we can become aware of our inner critic and consciously choose to replace erroneous beliefs and unhelpful thoughts with new, empowering ones. Left unattended, this harsh inner voice can trigger the fight, flight, or freeze response, signalling to the brain that we are under attack and releasing stress hormones. Although helpful when in real danger, they hinder our daily experiences by impeding decision-making, creativity, and the ability to take action.

 

4. Prioritise Movement and Physical Exercise

Allocating time to engage in activities that move our bodies and bring us joy has significant benefits for our mental and physical well-being. Regular exercise reinforces our sense of self-worth and confidence, leaving us feeling stronger and more capable.

 

5. Assert Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits we set for ourselves and communicate through our actions or words. Asserting our boundaries calmly, clearly, and kindly is an act of self-respect, demonstrating to ourselves and others that we value our well-being. This practice helps build confidence and fosters healthier relationships.

 

Getting Support

Embarking on this journey may not always be easy, which is why many people opt to work with a coach or therapist. As a coach, my role is to wholeheartedly believe in you, even during moments when you doubt yourself. I champion your strengths and reflect back the truth of who you are, guiding you on a path of self-discovery and growth. Together, we can navigate your thought processes, build resilience, and explore the possibilities for transformation.

It is important to recognise that our critical inner dialogue is not the sole source of tension and anxiety. Our rapidly changing world, shaped by various social, cultural, and environmental forces, can contribute to further unrest. Consequently, this emphasises the significance of cultivating resilience and finding anchoring practices that ground us in the present moment when overwhelm threatens to take hold.

 

What Are the Benefits of Developing Positive Self-Esteem?

When we learn how to nurture our sense of worth, we become more adept at making decisions, bouncing back from failure with resilience, and adopting a growth mindset. Moreover, we develop a greater sense of ease with ourselves and how we navigate the world. Additionally, we are more likely to seek genuine connections with others, fostering a deep sense of belonging. Through this process, we discover and acknowledge our unique qualities and gifts, recognising that the world truly needs our contributions now more than ever.